I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
NoShamevember. You game?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
