shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
