no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
