3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
