Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
