Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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