so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Randomize
