Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
