Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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