one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
