you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
