jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
