Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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