You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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