i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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