yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
