Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
