Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
