grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
