In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
