My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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