Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
