I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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