Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
