I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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