i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
