ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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