id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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