i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
