I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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