Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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