Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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