my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
