she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
