the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
