There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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