Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize