so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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