I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize