You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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