do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
