how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
