She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
