My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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