I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
