There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize