ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
