There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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