great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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