So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
