I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
