chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
