I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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