i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I think I sprained my soul last night
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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