Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
