Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
