Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
