Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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