Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
