Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
17 year olds will be the death of me.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
