Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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