so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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