So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
