I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
