opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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