turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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