I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
